Mental health and bullying
What is bullying?
Bullying is behaviour that hurts someone else. It includes name calling, hitting, pushing, spreading rumours, threatening or undermining someone.
It can happen anywhere – at school, at home or online. It's usually repeated over a long period of time and can hurt a child both physically and emotionally.
Bullying can take different forms. It could include:
- physical bullying: hitting, slapping or pushing someone
- verbal bullying: name calling, gossiping or threatening someone
- non-verbal abuse: hand signs or text messages
- emotional abuse: threatening, intimidating or humiliating someone
- exclusion: ignoring or isolating someone
- undermining, constant criticism or spreading rumours
- controlling or manipulating someone
- making silent, hoax or abusive calls
The following types of bullying are also hate crime:
- racial, sexual, transphobic or homophobic bullying
- bullying someone because they have a disability.
What is cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place online. Unlike bullying offline, online bullying can follow the child wherever they go, via social networks, gaming and mobile phone.
Cyberbullying can include:
- sending threatening or abusive text messages
- creating and sharing embarrassing images or videos
- trolling – the sending of menacing or upsetting messages on social networks, chat rooms or online games
- excluding children from online games, activities or friendship groups
- shaming someone online
- setting up hate sites or groups about a particular child
- encouraging young people to self-harm
- voting for or against someone in an abusive poll
- creating fake accounts, hijacking or stealing online identities to embarrass a young person or cause trouble using their name
- sending explicit messages, also known as sexting
- pressuring children into sending sexual images or engaging in sexual conversations.
Signs of bullying
No single sign will indicate for certain that your child's being bullied, but watch out for:
- belongings getting 'lost' or damaged
- physical injuries, such as unexplained bruises
- being afraid to go to school, being mysteriously 'ill' each morning, or skipping school
- not doing as well at school
- asking for, or stealing, money (to give to whoever's bullying them)
- being nervous, losing confidence, or becoming distressed and withdrawn
- problems with eating or sleeping
- bullying others.
Effects of bullying
The effects of bullying can last into adulthood. At its worst, bullying has driven children and young people to self-harm and even suicide.
Children who are bullied:
- may develop mental health problems like depression and anxiety
- have fewer friendships
- aren't accepted by their peers
- are wary and suspicious of others
- have problems adjusting to school, and don't do as well.
All children who are affected by bullying can suffer harm – whether they are bullied, they bully others or they witness bullying.
Who's at risk
Any child can be bullied for any reason. If a child is seen as different in some way, or seen as an easy target they can be more at risk.
This might be because of their:
- race or ethnic background
- sexual orientation.
Or it could be because they:
- appear anxious or have low self-esteem
- lack assertiveness
- are shy or introverted.
Popular or successful children are also bullied, sometimes because others are jealous of them. Sometimes a child's family circumstance or home life can be a reason for someone bullying them.
Disabled children can experience bullying because they seem an easy target and less able to defend themselves.
Support for parents and carers
You might experience a huge range of emotions if you discover a child's being bullied. Whether it's a child in your care or someone you know, we have tips to help you cope.
If you suspect your child is being bullied, explain to them what bullying is, and ask if anything like that has happened to them. Keep calm, and listen carefully to what they say.
They may feel really scared, embarrassed or ashamed that they’re being bullied, and they may be worried about what will happen if they tell anyone.
Once you know your child is being bullied, remember to check in with them regularly. Remind them that they can talk to you about how they’re feeling whenever they want.
Not sure how to start the conversation? Check out the NSPCC advice on talking about difficult topics.
If they don’t want to talk to you, suggest they have a chat with another trusted adult, such as a teacher or family member.
You could also suggest they contact Childline, where a trained counsellor will provide a listening ear.
They don’t have to give their name and they can talk about anything that’s worrying them.
Children and young people may lack confidence as a result of bullying. Help them find things to do that make them feel good, like listening to, or playing, music, or doing sport. Give them opportunities to help build their confidence.
Remember to reassure them that it’s not their fault and that they’re loved and valued
As well as supporting your child emotionally, there are practical steps you can take if the bullying has taken place on an online platform, such as a social media app or online gaming chat room.
- Don’t stop them from using the internet or their mobile phone. It probably won’t help keep them safe, it may feel like they’re being punished and could stop them from telling you what’s happening.
- Make sure your child knows how to block anyone who posts hateful or abusive things about them on each app or online service they use. You can usually find details of how to do this in the help or online safety area, under Settings.
- Report anyone who is bullying your child to the platform that’s carried the offending comments, audio, image or video. Follow these links to contact some of the most popular social media platforms and learn more about blocking and reporting:
- You can find details of more apps and games children and young people use, and how to contact them, on the Net Aware site.
- Thinkuknow has advice on online safety for young people that’s suitable for different age groups. The website shows children how to contact social media sites if they believe someone has posted something upsetting about them.
- Block’em is a free app for Android users that blocks unwanted calls and text messages from specified numbers. Its website also provides advice for iOS users.
Get in contact with the site the video's been shared on as soon as possible. Social networks are more likely to take the video down if the child involved in the video or their parents make the report. Depending on their terms and conditions, they may be able to remove it from the site. You can visit Net Aware, in partnership with O2 - your guide to apps, games and social media sites to support you.
Bullying someone because of their gender, gender identity, sexuality, religious beliefs, race, skin colour or because they have a disability, is hate crime and against the law.
If this is happening to your child or a child you know, you or the child can report it online. You or your child can also contact the police by phone. Call 999 in an emergency or 101 at other times.
Citizen's Advice has further information about types of hate crime and discrimination you may find helpful. Children and young people can get advice and support from Childline.
If your child is being bullied, you can talk to us. It doesn't matter whether the bullying is happening on the premises, outside or on the internet. We have a responsibility to protect our pupils from bullying.
If your child is being bullied at a club, talk to the person in charge.
Arrange a meeting with their teacher
- Take another person along with you for support if you feel it will help you.
- Take a notebook so you can jot down what’s said at the meeting.
- Bring any evidence you have of the bullying, such as text messages, a record of incidents, or screenshots if the bullying is happening online.
- Tell them what effect the bullying is having on your child, and make it clear you expect them to respond.
- Ask for a copy of the school or club’s anti-bullying policy, behaviour policy and complaints procedure. These may be available to you before the meeting on the school or club’s website.
- Ask the teacher or organiser what action they’re going to take, making sure you all agree on what they propose to do.
- Arrange a date to speak to them again so you can see what progress has been made.
- The school may inform the Police if the bullying involves ongoing harassment and intimidation, or a hate crime, such as racism or homophobia.
If the bullying continues
Write a letter of complaint to the head teacher and arrange to meet them to discuss your concerns.
Continue to keep a record of incidents with as much information as you can including:
- photographs of any physical injuries or damaged property
- the date, location and approximate time of each incident
- any contact (letters, emails etc) you’ve had with the school.